Rebirth...

So one thing that serves true about pregnancy….it is an emotional roller coaster indeed!....I can’t count the amount of times I have laughed and cried within the same sentence…moment of time…tears and laughter…excitement and intense fear sharing the same minute. I know now…and I am all too familiar with dark places, depression….deep reflections….emotional turmoil; but this, this wave of unpredictableness is an experience like never before…

Thoughts of love lost and gained, uncertainty about my decisions, choices and future-for myself and my child, financial insecurity, emotional betrayal by close friends haunting my heart, grieving and celebrating change simultaneously….afraid of this next chapter of motherhood…yet welcoming the unknown and the unexpected, bound by the ‘free’ of my spirit….afraid of finishing alone….wanting so badly to be comfortable….a peaceful place of stability…a sense of success and normalcy-according to my beliefs and foundation of holistic living…..I just want to be! I just want to make up my mind…I just want to know what my next move will be…or will I remain still for a lil while longer…will I decide on what passion to force a career out of…or will I remain free versed and gifted in many areas all at once….will I be able to start afresh….show my lil one a different path to take….prepare her for the culture, the smoke screen of life…the simple mindedness of people….most importantly, the beautiful virtue of love……will I be able to free her from my grievances, disappointments and failures…..OR….will she free me?....



Even as I type, with swollen, heavy, teary eyes….aching joints….and a belly full of life….I am still in expectancy…not just for her birth…but for my rebirth. This time around will be like none other. Namaste. Ase’. Amen.