Friday, November 14, 2008

The Truth is...

What is the truth about me….The truth is, I am hurting, and everyday I am fighting a constant battle with my mind; which seeks to devour, distract, destroy and deviate me from the plan and purpose God has for my life. My mind, a powerful entity it is, shows me the counterfeit of truth. It reminds me that no one understands, that I am alone, that I am crazy, over analyzing, over reacting….that no one can hear me…no one can see me…no one knows…not even myself.

I find my self on days of happiness and when I am comfortable, trying to hold on to those moments for dear life as if my last breath depended on it. Because, truth be told, my life does depend on it. I do depend on those moments of joy and peace that I cant comprehend or explain why I feel as free as I do…all I know is that I need this moment, I’ve been waiting for this moment, I cant let this moment leave me…because then, I’ll be faced to deal with me….the enemy…inner me….I’ll be left to hear the crying and feel the throbbing in my head and experience the pain of agony and not being able to swallow….suicide, depression, frustration, weariness, and hope lost, like trying to tread on a dream when the water feels low. I am left to deal with my issues…some surface, some deeper in my tissues. I am left to deal with me, to spend too much time alone and wonder how did I get here…and then get distracted in wondering so much on what got me here that I cant see how much depth I have uncovered…’til I can’t see my way out! I Can breathe! Cant deal…Cant live…..but I cant leave.

I am a prisoner of words unsaid. I trap myself further every time I stay silent. Stoned on a drug of complacency and compromise…a piece of myself for peace in myself….for compassion, compromise, kindness and expectation-But there’s no where to run when you’ve caged yourself. Yet, even something as beautiful as birth leaves its own scars….but that doesn’t mean it is any less beautiful than it was created to be. It has a purpose to serve, even chaos; for out of chaos births opportunity and change. Now how could I forfeit opportunity and change. How could I forfeit life…..How could I leave.

How could I leave this life; although it is trial and error with me….
The trials most unbearable and the errors, more often unbeatable.
But this is my life…tailor made with success, problems, joy and pain just for me.
And in the midst of its unbearable, unbeatable weights….I carry the burden of hope
Proudly with wings as beautiful as butterflies to carry me into purpose… carry me to life…to carry me in hope.

And to what do I credit hope?...Love
But what happened to the Love that gave you courage?
Made you feel like you could do anything you desired…
Made you feel like a better person, made you manifest
The very thing you felt…power(ful).
Who can really understand the hurt of love?
The grievance of love?
The miscarriage of something so empowering…
Yet, I no longer love…presently, I hurt.
And while I hurt
I am hopeful
And while I hurt
I still desire, I still need, I still want,,,I still,,,I still
While I hurt… I still love.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Two of my favorite....


I like your way
Your moving slips into my stillness
It silenced me.

The way night lies in deep water
I want to lie with you.

Can you be my second skin?
I’ll peel the scent of you with each thrust.

You make me feel like singing in the shower…No fear.

Touch Me…

Hands like a magnetic force
The way fingertips
Direct my spine to arch
That simple touch
As my body breaks itself down
To my heart’s own musical backbeat
With permission
You release tears of joy-perpetrating as sweat
Creating surfaces glistening wet
Feels like we have our very own air
Caught in the rapture of you pulling my hair
and never mind time
You got me feeling like
This poem doesn’t even have to rhyme
‘Cause I can’t remember
if it was my right or my left…
that you teased and caressed?
I see Angels when you spread my legs
They turn into wings
‘cause I could fly away
on you being the air I breathe
I feel low, slow pants
When you take me there
Yet, I tell you to slow down
It’s too much…
I can’t catch up with my heart’s beat,
My eyes can’t control
what my mind don’t believe.
They say repetition sings a contagious beat,
Somethin’ like a routine or it seems
I could get used to this feeling,
Like when you watch me
from the passenger seat, or
when you’re sitting right next to me,
kissing my right or my left….
Hands like a magnetic force
The way fingertips
Direct my body to arch
At my heart’s own musical backbeat…
You s l o w l y……touch me.

Saturday, October 25, 2008


With the twisting, turning and binding paths of my life
I realize this unbelievable strife
In the depths of my soul
To feel the trifle ness of my enemies
And the problems that confront me
I realize the waves of this rapid river
Flowing into my knowledge
Enriched by motivation
In contrast to the downstream of my worries
And my inquiring fears-passing the currents
Of ignorance
These little insects of despair have been biting me
In the worst way
Biting my intellect and savoring on my most prized possessions
Within my mind
After serious thought,
The biting no longer irritates, but nourishes my soul
Suddenly, I am beginning to sprout like a sunflower
Following the sun
Flourishing pieces of me are taken
And cast out by the wind
Into the midst of a mirror of opportunities
I am the burning cascades of sand
And an array of merit and culture
Submerged in water, I feel myself breathing
In and out
Trying to decide if I’m in the water
Or looking upon the waves of deep blackness
The essence in every ripple
Strong currents of culture
Forced to make a person of disbelief drown
In their own domain of pain
In the drowning
I inhale all intellect
All self realization, all esteem
All growth and change
I barely have seconds to exhale
I retain all, surrounded by a force field
Surrounded by the purest of auras
Pure thought-pure unique consciousness
Surrounded by the purest of environments
The brownest of skin tones
And the blackest of souls
I embrace my forming visions,
which slowly transform
Into a complete and unstained
Manifestation of self
I wear my soul as if it were clothing
An outer covering against
A furious state of confusion
My presence completes this world
I am this missing element
The undiscovered link
To unite all people to one true
Quest of humanity
The quest to find self
I speak the language of trees
A baby to nurture myself
Finding myself in the depths
Of an inner maze
It can only be accredited
By the many blessings from
The Highest meaning
The Savior, the Christ
The being of all omnipotence
Just as I feel myself drowning
I undergo metamorphosis and fly away
As a single black butterfly
Landing on the next soul
Paving the next path of discovery
Realizing the basis of all that enlightenment,
The foundation of all productivity
The answer for all pondering questions
Humanity’s Ultimate Goal:
The discovery of self
And the realization of life.

He Knows Me.

He knows me

This faceless being intrudes
knocking on all chambers simultaneously.
What could he want, all that I possess?
Don't have much to give,
a word
a look
a thousand feelings summed up in one touch and
instantly he will know me completely.
No secrets, no lies
It will all written in the iris of my eyes.
Then he transforms me into a spirit,
Never before existing until I call his name.
But I know him as the one...
The one who can give all that I desires.
The one who is the closest to my father,
whom I admires.
The one whose life I inspires.
Awakening the best part of me.
he knocks on all chambers...
and without hesitation,
I invite him in.

Piece-full Thoughts

From my beginning, poetry has made itself the art of surprise. It continuously washes my eyes to nude perceptions, bringing exposure to the feel of inhumanity and sublimity. Teasing aromas of the unexpected, those only a writer can hear, grace my palate with a familiar strangeness. Writing is my everyday exoticism. Just as color has been the marker of race, my schizophrenic poetic images take me beyond the norms.

I invite you to experience a collection of poetry, in its lovemaking essence, that produces a new sound of pleasure from all five senses; sounds of life, love, and spirituality.

Piece-full Thoughts

February’s fornication
Shadowed by death in April
Sweet nectar
From God’s divine loveliness
Undesirable situations manifest
Baptized in my waters
Life quickens like panther moves
Spirits lace over my shoulders
Hearts identity no longer revealed
Through eyes
Bodies twist
Like a homemade bungee cord
Breath as rope,
Rope as memory stretching back
With a head full of tree parts
Organ grinds and holy water drips
From my fingertips
I remember
When we were just notes
Covered in skin
I adapted to his breath
While I slept,
I saw heaven in his smile,
I heard gospel in his laugh
He makes me surrender
To the person I really am
In a room
Full of so many imperfections.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

Actually, who are we NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not only in some of us, it’s in everyone.And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson

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