Friday, January 7, 2011

Caught up in the knot of this Soul-Tie...Naked and Unashamed.

I need you to fight for me- give me a reason not to walk away....thoughts of you flood my day...are you still here?...with me?
do you think about me....and what do the thoughts entail?
are you regretful or remorseful....?
do you want this....anymore?

I think to myself, I can't believe I have fallen so deeply again for someone who seems so distant, yet in arms reach simultaneously....

What is it that makes a woman continue to fall for a man who cant and wont love her the same in return. Is it true that we cant stand to be rejected and feel the need to conquer the unconquerable……I find it hard to believe that shallow assumption….considering the depth of what a woman feels for a particular man….its definitely more than just trying to conquer him…suggesting a journey along a lost quest with the need for a long awaited victory…to say that…’this is mine’…’I have won’…..’I have power over that which I have conquered’…..needless to say it is not that simple…at least not for me. I don’t want to conquer you…..I’d rather us rule together and conquer our fears…simultaneously…one moment, with each other, at a time.

I thought for sure this was it...the last time I would play with the 'idea' of love....
secretly praying for a miricle daily, that you would love me instantly as I do you...recognizing this powerful virtue as energy-instead of a fearful endeavor that can't be spoken of without protocol....

I love you...and I loved you with everything in me as only I am capable of doing a hundred percent....I've never known how to do this I take my chances, playing russian ruelette with my heart and emotions, squeeze my eyes tight....nostrils wide open...eyes bright and attentive...and I give you all of me....all that is in me....all of me.

I miss you like my heart misses its beat in between breaths....
inhaling and exhaling your chest rises to every occasion I have at the tip of your fill me. with each thrust you fill me. with each kiss you fill me. with each hand ran across my damp skin and sun-kissed fill me.

...and in the same instant I roll over only to find you dressed and walking out the door. and again, I am empty.

this has got to stop....the struggle- the tug of war between your heart and mine. You want to say I miss you back, but you won’t…
You want to tell me how much you think of me, but you won’t. You won’t because in your mind you have to keep everything in perspective…owning your emotions, keeping them bound by heartache, career goals and frustration. But your perspective is not my perspective, yet…I understand.

and to be honest...I don't want to understand anymore... at least not by myself....I want to innerstand my vulnerabilities, and overstand with your heart and mines in the same hand...balanced...equally examined...equally understanding.

I'm tired...and all I ask, is the chance to let go...fall back...and know that you are there to catch me, as I have caught this soul-tie.


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