More Revelation: Eat, Pray, [make] Love.....

It took me a long time to finally watch this movie. In fact I stopped desiring to watch the movie after awhile because for some reason I felt maybe it just didn’t call to me. Nevertheless, it was too difficult to watch because I, myself, felt her agony/suffering/darkness in the beginning of the movie and it may have reminded me of those dark years of my life which, though I have surpassed and has made me into the person I am today, still squeezes my heart in pain & knocks the air out of me whenever I remember how it felt to be in that darkness. But basically I watched this movie very slow because all throughout I also needed to reflect on my own existential crisis and joy....

or shall I say my existential reality...pregnancy. I am still in awe of myself and the changes my body, mind and spirit are going through at this very moment. This movie helped me bring to surface some unspoken reservations and fears I had of myself...and as Liz...illustrates the writing of her character so artistically in this movie....I am appreciative of where I am...right now...




Favorite Quotes/Revelations from the movie, Eat, Pray, Love...

When Richard from Texas says to Liz about her feelings for David-
"Your problem is you don't know what the word means. People think a soul mate is our perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life"

Just toward the ending of 2010, I came to this conclusion, while reflecting on my present 'love'....who I can honestly say, if I go by energy alone, and step away from 'logic' and protocol.....this man is my soul mate. To meet a man...in the second month of pregnancy, who not only professes his attraction and unexplainable devotion to you, but to your unborn life as well....patient, calm, organized, careful...thoughtful....not anxious...a man that handles you in such a way that it scares you how much he has revealed to you about yourself without ever saying a word. He is my mirror....and because I know the love I have, though careless to some, is without restraint....I am convinced that he is a reflection of the God in me....unexplainably, unconditionally, unordinarily loving.


"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than the man himself. And then I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been the victim of my own optimism"

I inhale dreams birthing visions unclear, laced on my face sketches of pillow wishes becoming as one with you-Desperate for magical nights- love glistinin between shy highs-within the deep walls of my thighs...behold my affection is your delight.
My soul is desperate....to love you, to love on you, to share myself with you, to give you all that I have-because my love is known for sustainment...though I may be parched...I habitually seek to quench your thirst first...I can't help it, until now....
you have shown me how to help myself, first, so we may drink of life together.


“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it – I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than depression and I am braver than loneliness and noting will ever exhaust me.”

so powerful. so Divine. so free....like living a life full of the simplest pleasures...Eating, Praying and [making] Love!

*Let's Toast*...Here's to enjoying the loves of my life in 2011....a long awaited answered prayer, my baby...and my man.

Rebirth...

So one thing that serves true about pregnancy….it is an emotional roller coaster indeed!....I can’t count the amount of times I have laughed and cried within the same sentence…moment of time…tears and laughter…excitement and intense fear sharing the same minute. I know now…and I am all too familiar with dark places, depression….deep reflections….emotional turmoil; but this, this wave of unpredictableness is an experience like never before…

Thoughts of love lost and gained, uncertainty about my decisions, choices and future-for myself and my child, financial insecurity, emotional betrayal by close friends haunting my heart, grieving and celebrating change simultaneously….afraid of this next chapter of motherhood…yet welcoming the unknown and the unexpected, bound by the ‘free’ of my spirit….afraid of finishing alone….wanting so badly to be comfortable….a peaceful place of stability…a sense of success and normalcy-according to my beliefs and foundation of holistic living…..I just want to be! I just want to make up my mind…I just want to know what my next move will be…or will I remain still for a lil while longer…will I decide on what passion to force a career out of…or will I remain free versed and gifted in many areas all at once….will I be able to start afresh….show my lil one a different path to take….prepare her for the culture, the smoke screen of life…the simple mindedness of people….most importantly, the beautiful virtue of love……will I be able to free her from my grievances, disappointments and failures…..OR….will she free me?....



Even as I type, with swollen, heavy, teary eyes….aching joints….and a belly full of life….I am still in expectancy…not just for her birth…but for my rebirth. This time around will be like none other. Namaste. Ase’. Amen.

There's no place like home...with a Midwife!

"Suspended between worlds...half in and half out.."


For months now, my truth has been that…..I am scared. I don’t know what I’m doing….I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to be doing….and with those feelings come a sense of guilt and a subtle panic, like mad at myself as to why I didn’t have all this together before she came….but then little moments of enlightenment come….maybe her manifestation will help me manifest more into the REAL me. I wish I could have known the real me all along…to help me figure out what it is that I was destined to do…..and what it is that I want to do.

Presently, I feel stuck in a job that forces me to conceal stress during the day, holding back emotional outburst, ligament uncomforts…surrounded by overly hyperactive, at times, disrespectful…hormonal teenagers….six classes of attitudes, frustrations and disturbing energies that I am unspokenly obligated to carry throughout my day…as I midwife these children into appreciating education and life one moment at a time…..my heart silently crying out for a midwife of my own to help me navigate through this ‘transitional posture of uncomfort’….HELP ME! …is what I scream through my smiles, hugs, advice, reprimands, instruction and periods of total disorient-ness…..HELP ME!.....HELP me find my way back to what matters most again…. my balance…my peace in holistic-body, mind, spirit living.

I didn’t know that I truly desired a natural childbirth when I first learned I was pregnant. The conception of my baby girl may not have been totally intended; however, her spirit was honored even before she came into my body. I had carefully considered what it meant to me to be a mother, and what I could offer this little being. It’s only fitting that then I would come to the conclusion that she deserved to have the opportunity to arrive in this world in her own time, on our own terms.

For these last nearly five and a half months, I have been seeing a doctor here in Milwaukee that I have not totally been at peace with. As a massage therapist/healer myself, working with energies and being constantly aware of a person’s aura has made me very sensitive for a lifetime in evaluating each encounter I may have with whomever I cross paths with. I suppose not having a lot of family or resources here also brought a sense of naivety and guilt with just accepting the first doctor I came across…no matter how inviting, small and home-like the office may have felt. Beyond the fear of hospitals and strangers freely sticking their fingers in me…detached from my journey-solely because I’m just a number….in the system…and they’ve seen ‘this’ thousands of times…..My womb…my intuition…my sweetpea was unctioning me all along….find a midwife.

“The process of human childbirth is a normal physiological process perfectly designed by nature to bring babies into the world. It is an instinctive, primal experience that has its own rhythm and pace which should be respected and honored, and works best when interfered with as little as possible. Women should have as much control as possible in determining their care, and should be encouraged to be active participants in decision-making and self-care. When informed, supported and encouraged to follow their own instincts, women can be active givers of birth rather than passive receivers of birth technology.”

I read these words on the website of an experienced, licensed and trained midwife here in the Milwaukee area….and I knew then, this is the journey I was destined to take. After a two-hour phone consultation with this midwife angel, I quickley learned that my uncomfort and suspicions of my doctor had been true. She knew him very well...and all she said was, "your intuition warrants a change in caregivers indeed". Along with the encouraging philosophy of this midwife, there was a wealth of knowledge and literature to glean from this woman….and for these reasons, I choose to have a midwife for the birth of my first child:

Holistic Midwives:
• Act as guardians of natural childbirth and well women, care-providing birthing women with support and guidance to ensure a healthy pregnancy, labor and delivery with minimal intervention.
• Understand that pregnancy and birth are normal processes, and work to optimize the well-being of mothers and their babies as the foundation of care giving.
• Approach the experience of childbirth as far more than a physical event, perceiving it as a profound emotional, mental and spiritual Rite of Passage for both mother and child.
• Respect the dignity, integrity and response-ability of the women they serve, recognizing that the primary caretaker and most important determinant of a healthy pregnancy and positive birth experience is the woman herself.
• Work in partnership with mothers, their families and their communities, helping them to explore their options and make informed decisions based on their unique circumstance.

I know that this experience won't just be life-altering for me…but a testament of a miracle for those closest to me, who will be there with me as my ‘sweetpea’ makes her debut into this world. The simple fact, alone, that I was told-while married to my ex-husband, that I wouldn’t be able to have children without a medical miracle…..too much scarring, polycystic ovarian syndrome damage, uterine fibroids growing, etc…etc…Yet….in the event of a ‘Divine Miracle’…all that is needed is an open heart saturated with love and hope and greatness beyond human understanding. This is the mindset for life that I’m used to having.

The Universe wants the best for us, and is willing to bestow these gifts(of strength and empowerment) upon us if we are willing and able to accept them. I look forward to this miracle journey….and finding my way back to creativity and undying passion…away from the enslaving educational system and mundane classroom instruction that I have settled for right now. In the same measure of strength that I was able to position myself into an anxiety free-butterfly pregnancy and birthing experience….I have to do the same for myself in regards to my career/calling. For this journey…I will be more than honored to leave this legacy of strength to my ‘sweetpea’.

"For [Kira]...a Colored Girl...who once considered suicide..."

Friday night I went to see 'For Colored Girls...' and as I expected, it was mind-blowing, gruesomely honest, unadulterated truth...about women....about me.

The film brings together a multi-generational line up of black actresses: Kerry Washington, Thandie Newton, Phylicia Rashad, Kimberly Elise, Macy Gray, Whoopi Goldberg, Janet Jackson, Loretta Divine, Anika Noni Rose, and newcomer Tessa Thompson. These women tell the stories from Ntozake Shange’s choreopoem For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf.

The stories of these women are centered around tragedy and struggle that in some capacity has been brought about by men. He is definitely not the hero in this film but in most instances a maniacal brute. Thandie Newton remarks, “I think very often men and women are spoken about in opposition which this film seems to be provoking. However, I think the strength of the film is that it’s a testament to the extraordinary collaboration of when a woman and a man come together.”

The true stories of a black woman’s experience is seldom told in Hollywood. Her humanity is limited to being the sum of her parts instead of a whole person. We see this in music videos and films. However, Black women have always been the muse for Perry’s work and he genuinely wants to portray her life differently and truthfully. He also worked very hard to keep the voices authentic. To that, Shange says, “[Perry] got it about 75% correct.”

"...all women in the world are colored girls because the color that Ntozake Shange is referring to has not to do with one’s skin. It has to do with mood, heart, spirit, experience, emotion, expression, understanding, or lack thereof." ~Phylicia Rashad

So, after I read all the reviews, critical and praises for this film..I chose to take a different approach in my interpretation of what this film spoke to me. Beyond the unrealistic criticism from men feeling that Tyler Perry is male bashing....or literary circles and other hollywood critics professing their redundant disappointment in the presentation and screenwriting of this film....Here is what I see:

There are moments in life when the Divine allows things to become visible to the human experience and not hidden[anymore] in our personal space or spirits. When this happens, it is an opportunity for communal healing and empowerment...not a spotlight for a personal soapbox of offended, guilty and one dimensional mindsets critically putting others down who have been Divinely inspired[called] to be an agent for healing.

There is an ongoing problem in the [black] community and it needs to be addressed. Instead men(and women) looking at it so negatively, have you ever thought about it as a message that the [black] community needs to stand united for some type of future even to come? Now, here is something to be critical of....if a man can only learn how to be a man from other men, then why is each generation of black men getting worse instead of better? Hmmmmmm? Stop trying to be in denial all the damn time and own up to your own lacks and your shoulda, woulda, coulda's. Once you look into yourself and own up to the things that you have done to women... and how you might’ve made a women feel all because of that ONE woman that you felt wronged you in your life (whether that was your own mama or ex), then there can be steps taken toward healing the gap of resentment towards each other.

It is a film, a picture like all others that tells a story of hardship of some black women. The fact of the matter is that we do have men who treat black woman badly, just as we have men who treat black women like queens. Abuse is alive and well in all races and instead of getting insulted or being judgemental, realize this is a movie about a problem that happens to all women. Use this and focus on how we can stop the abuse(mental,physical, emotional). Tyler Perry is a great director, writer, playwright, and actor. He should be commended for his work and left alone on his subjects. He is not the first person to do a film like this and will not be the last. He is not saying that all black men are bad (but the response from black men speaks for itself)but he is putting focus on a on going problem in America. Look at it for what it is and not for what you feel inside....out of offenses lie a root of truth, otherwise, there would be no need to be offended.


This film has been a hostile awakening for women(ME) to take ownership/accountability for their OWN decisions and choices in regards to who they choose to 'let it' their minds, bodies and spirits.....and in that regard...I saw myself in every woman portrayed in this film. I am a BROWN woman...who has worn every color in the rainbow, the RED, ORANGE, YELLOW, GREEN, BLUE, PURPLE and even WHITE! I have exposed myself to 'at-risk behaviors, been in denial about who I choose to love and desperate for who I wanted to love me, blind to myself beyond my passion for empowerment for others, living day to day as 'intimacy' being my only desired 'manna'(from God)...feeling wise and simultaneously helpless in the same moment, and of course, dillusionally religious, lacking any authentic spiritual liberty...living in fear of the God in me....ignoring my womb...a stranger to myself. I saw MYSELF. and this movie has begun an awakening in me...confirming the 'new life' that is growing inside of me as I sit here and type....

progress happens with self-inventory...the answer to all of us who are fearful, critical and in denial....quick to assume, easily influenced and contageously judgemental..Embrace your own healing first.

The Love that didn't reach.....

How do you love someone that doesn't love you?...

Mute

Life still goes on

spinning out of control
moving around me
like wind in my ears,
blurry and cold.

In the darkness of the night
your hand touches my shoulders
loneliness is nothing new to me....

Truth is, before you-there was me
loving me...
or at least pretending...

Pretending that,
In my dreams i hear your voice
as sweet as an angel sings
your laugh, your smirks and your sweet talk
is as though you are by my side
as you said you would be...
promises that you made...
turn into to stagnant dreams that you take....
away...
your words, not mine, "I'll be there for you..."
and then the void seeps in...

I played my whole hand for it all...
risking safety for inconsistent affection, silence and empty stares-
makes me wonder if you really cared...at all?

I reach out for you
in a room full of darkness
hoping that I stumble upon your hand, your eyes, your heart...again.
Nevertheless, I guess my arms weren't long enough....
either the distance between you and I is purposed...with time,
or my Love will never reach...you.

Love is Fearless...

I am waiting for the day
you bless me
with your impeccable, unbelievable
Godly ways...
loving me like unconditional love itself
is an understatement
you, touch me,
in ways indescribable,
you penetrate me in voids
that were once impenetrable-
I honor you, King,
for only a God like yours and mine
could have fashioned this Queen solely for your throne.

We are...tailor made for one another-
our journey's blueprint laid out for each other,
there is none other that can master a soul tie like ours
Divinely Created
Intimately sedated with elation-
more potent that #9's love potion,
I am that drug
and you are my addiction.

So King me and move me like pawns
against our canvas of life,
intertwined in your head full of tree parts
you got me feelin like swingin from your mane....
my Tarzan, and I am your Jane....
let's escape to the nearest shore
and lay under the moonlight,
where black skin glistens like Divine Light-
be my knight, be my Armour...

Be my second skin
and let me peel the scent of you
with each thrust, for eternities-
each time I breathe,
be my exhale...
as I inhale....you...
be my love,
Fearless.

Relationships

Can a man and a woman be friends?

That depends

On what type of man this boy will claim to be

What type of woman this girl will become if She comes to He

The boy and the girl may flirt originally

May hug generously

May kiss occasionally

But inside lies a complexity

He vexes She

Girl scribbles in Her diary

Boy lies awake with thoughts of intimacy

He becomes She's fantasy

Maybe this will end romantically

But that's too predictable

Though love is unreasonable

Its amazing

It goes beyond heartthrob gazing

It lives in frat boy hazing

Sunday night lazing

And bad child raising

She will always love He

He will always need She

Through bad break ups and crushes

Red-cheek blushes

And alcohol rushes

They can be friends always

This relationship stays

No worries about bad lays

And who pays

Or ending a fling and trying to part ways

Friendship is no phase

Maybe boy and girls are better allies

To chat over coke and fries

Whisper lies

About the opposite sex

Be corrected on the subtext

Laugh about whatever comes next

This ain't a romantic comedy

They won't make out to a melody

Or commit a felony

To show they're in love

He wont be at She's door with twelve roses

She won't cry when He proposes

They'll just sit in that café

And dream of Santé Fe

Eat popcorn during "Amelie"

And never run out of things to say

And eventually

They learn that this transcends all physicality

And in reality

Boy and girl fit perfectly

Poetically

He chose She

And

She chose He

End of story.

A Handfull of Love Jones...

You're a liar...
face it....don't justify it
sugar coat it...
politicize it...
just name it for what it is...
you decieve by trickery
fraud
you act dishonestly
violate deliberately...as in a game
swindle
create illusions
escape reality
you tyrant
fool, sorcerer of trickery...you overreach
hoodwink, bamboozle...

Though I realize
that asking you to do the opposite
will be contrary to who you really are...
your soul's identity, your stamp of false integrity
this is who you are, don't dare step out of your element
your character; whether fashioned by society, family tradition or pure ignorance...
I respect you for being you.
Superficial
Shallow....
frightingly....conciously...in love.

To get beyond shallowness we have to stop avoiding our pain, stop blaming others for our pain and stop looking to others to find joy. When you love you become very vulnerable, but as much as you become vulnerable to pain and loss, you also become sensitized to experience a depth of feeling you would never have experienced otherwise. It is far better to have loved and lost than not have loved. I will never regret the love I did experience because of subsequent pain through loss. For me it is a risk worth taking and the pain just deepens my ability to love. If you expect to find love in purely superficial characteristics and physical qualities you will most certainly experience extreme disappointment and heartbreak. If after heartbreak, you do not become bitter you will open yourself for the real thing.

wait for it......wait for it.....it is possible....it is real. Just step outside the smoke screen.


“Emotion is the chief source of all becoming conscious. There can be no transformation of darkness into light ...without emotion.” Carl Jung

Quiet Contemplation...

Harsh Repitition....until lession learned.


I'm not looking for a fling.
If the various stages of my life have taught me one thing the valuable lesson of approaching

the possibility of love with extreme caution.
I love hard and unconditionally.
Most times never returned to me

Thoughts of all the times i put heart on the line,
my heart broken by Mr Right. and that other **** , Mr damn hes so fine

I made a dubious and perhaps even foolish decision to give love another chance. Could he
Really be down for the mammoth responsibility of loving me?

I decided to keep my feelings internal. For now, the physical would have to sustain me.
I enjoyed his company
too much to allow this moment to be ruined by history
looking for something more.
His strength, his gentleness, his wisdom got him in the door

His ability to sense my needs and desires made me give him A chance
A possible prospect for romance.

Maybe it was the way he just turned me out that had me thinking way too far ahead.
Candelite caressing mocha-brownskin casually nestled on bed.

Confused My body still tingled from the extraordinay love we just made.
I was dizzy from the electricty that still ran through my veins.

His ability to please me was spectacular.
I prayed his sweet talk wasnt a hustlers venacular

I'm not going to get into details,
because i dont want spectators trying him out for them
selves. (or comparing tales...)
Can't worry about all that now, Just going to migrate below these covers
caught by surprise friends turn into lovers

its my time to return some of the breath taking pleasure.
Worst case scenario its my 'mango' he'll treasure.

Step up, Cover and Celebrate me...and get off my tit!

"I'm not saying us Women are perfect,
but we carry the load and carry it well,
some of yall men really need to get it together-
Expend much time/effort and thought on male empowerment
and then just maybe yall males wouldnt feel the need
to criticize what females don't do!
have you takn the time to look at the stuff you're doing?
if you wanna lead me anywer,
you must be capable of effectively and efficiently following/serving,
prove to me that my independence is optional,
I will coexist with you,
but look in the mirror first
and handle your refelction of issues
before you attempt to diagnose mine!
we've taken the fall for men too long(historically proven!...)
now its time yall step it up and get off that tit!
Focus on what you're doing and let us be the emotional beings...." (Shout out to Natalie on this one!)

So easy to point the finger...real men are accountable for themselves,
emotionally and physically. How about we each concentrate on ourselves
and highlight more good qualities about each other-
men and women.
Women can we celebrate men?
Men can we celebrate women?

..and stop complaining so damn much!, If he or she aint got/doin/ possesing/speaking/listening/sharing/manifesting/claiming/exemplifying/carrying
livin/empowering what you want....

move the hell on!

There are too many wonderful/powerful/successful/beuatiful/intelligent/charming/productive/executive-minded/spiritually and physical sound and whole-minded gentlemen and ladies in this earthly realm....to be complaining and venting about what one trifling fool didnt do or did to you!

If she or he aint it, right now....then WAIT!....balance and perfection (for you) will come! Stop setttling and rushing. Live this Life...Serve somebody....Treat yourself right!...manifest something...be productive and stop' talking' so damn much!.....

with much compassion in my heart,

Love&Light Beautiful!

He Feels Like.....

He Feels like the wind in my face
while my head is hanging out the window
courageously trying to inhale all of him-
forceful, yet teasingly and excitingly
taking my breath away....
He feels like that...
Like I inhale and he finishes my breath
exhaling...
He feels just that good,
like my 2nd skin,
I could caress and bathe in his sent
and lather up his passion in my towel,
then sqeeze him all over me again...
Yes,
he feels like that...
like worship in its purest form...
like a good key striked on the perfect note
organ grinds, tune held in place
until the pews climax with shreeks of joy
in the form of tears,
hands raised,
arms stretched out wide-wating to be rescued-
as if the Divine-self would come down
to craddle every soulish hurt away-
liberating,
peaceful, enticing....
he feels like that...
yes,
He feels that good!

Soul Talk....Desperate.

You ever have one of those days where your womb is crying out...and you can't pin point one particular ailment...but its some of everything...life, goals, relationships...love.....and you soul just needs to wail.....this is one of those days...as my pen narrates....

I cried...I cried because he spoke truth; and it pierced the most intimate places I didn't know- where sensitivity and uncomfort lies, where guilt penetrates offense and birth broken,sorrowful tears of utter confusion; yet truth. It is truth.

He said, "You know what the problem is?, 'artsy' people never complete anything-so spread out and over extended- they find pleasure in the right stroke, the perfect verse, or the tight..just right beat, the line in the dance....However, their curiosity and thirst for exploring more passions keeps them from ever producing!"
Producing. Non productive. So many gifts and nothing of substance to show for it....is this the truth?...my truth? Is this what hurts? Stagnation and the cycle of miscarriage in my life, my relationships, my goals, my dreams and passions. Where is the beauty? Where is the peace? Where am I?

Desperation. Chasing after you. I need you. more and more. Where do I go? Who do I run to? sharing this empty space, feels like I lost the grip of life- so it seems...friends out of touch-backing away, completely from the scene-who is to play the part for the next act..the next chapter of my life? never been in a position/posture like this- feeling as though I have to chase after companionship, plead my worth of company-bargain my assets-gifts, for talentless conversations-to no elation-alone. I sit. tired. Drained. stuck. out of options. fighting the temptation of depression-can't go back there-darkness is not an option! and then there's Him....I miss it. the covenant.the promise of safety-though short lived. I need it now. consistency speak to me. Productivity Prophesy to me...say to the giants of despair...and the mountains of stagnation...be moved! let me breath!..let me see!...let me rise...let me be. let me be.

I inhale dreams birthing visions unclear, laced on my face sketches of pillow wishes becoming as one with you-Desperate for magical nights- love glistinin between shy highs-within the deep walls of my thighs...behold my affection is your delight.

My soul is desperate.

My Newest Baby!!! Buttafly Movement Fitted Tees for Women

And the blessings keep coming!!!....ButtaflyMovement Tees, my newest addition to this empowering journey....Custom Designed Tees for women, sizes Sm to 2xl, personalized buttafly color and word/wisdom on back, Check out the album or visit the marketplace online.Spread the word! Support!.....Operation Overflow 2010! You in?!

My recent transition to Mississippi has been an eventful journey, eye opener...to say the least. My mind/body/spirit has been taking its time aligning itself with the energy in this region; thus, I've been 'sick' or in a dis-ease since I arrived here in Jackson. Nevertheless, I woke up one morning, this week, with a fever and a burning lump-feeling like strep throat...and I said, " Divine Creativity doesn't take a day off! and neither does making money...I'm gonna design a tee-shirt for women." So, the next few days I got in touch with my graphic designer-who is never available!- but this still worked to my advantage...because growing impatient while waiting for him to return my call taught me a valuable lesson: Don't wait for someone else to do what God has already equipped you with the creativity to do!

...and therein lies this finished product!...Simple, Empowering....and all MY vision! I love it! and I would love to spread this message to women across the states...that every woman has a 'Buttafly Movement'...a movement of liberation and self empowerment waiting to be manifested through her will power and creativity!

I thank the Divine for the spirit of Creativity and Desire.....without these two virtues, coupled with Love...I would be a Lost Soul!

Don't take for granted your dreams and visions...goals and aspirations....it only takes one thought, and a simple action put behind it, and before you know it...it will have came into fruition over night! So I say to you 'O Creative One'...BelieveBelieveBelieveBelieveBelieveBelieve!.....Speak! Do! Don't Wait!, and watch God bring it to pass!

Ase',

Love&Light my Beautiful ButtaFlys!

Sensuous

You speak the flow of a rythmic sound,
that utters like an orgasm in my mind,
like bodies and souls intertwine and connect,
this feeling goes beyond the human touch-
your LIGHT caresses.

I imagine cool liquid rolling down...
sweet pulsating gestures..
powerful...strong...
you're my secret place,
Sensuous.

In my eyes,
your touch goes beyond mere imagination,
sometime I can't even concieve where you came from,
why in this season?...why me?
Even with unanswered questions,
I'm feeling who you are,
pounding in my heart like a bundle of raindrops
penetrating the mountain's crown,
and when you're around,
very little matters outside of our flow...
like rythmic sound...
I release orgasms with thoughts of you...
So Sensuous.

The Rescue

It's kinda like
the first time I tasted...
and the first time I breathed...
and the first time I did anything for...
the first time,
you gave me a feeling of completion
for the last time
because this time,
Iknow it had nothing to do with what I said,
what I did, how I walked,
or how good my jeans kissed my flesh,
but it was just the look in your eyes,
when they met mine-
kinda like when dark liquor lingers
around the inside of clear skies,
and whispers sweet aromas
of strong agression,
the kind that burns the inside of your chest
when your body is overly excited...
but I'm delighted
to know that you'll wrap around me
and envelope my cognac for minutes
that seems like days...turning into weeks..
my soul cries out, "Dont leave me!",
I've just gotten used to the character of your smile.
I feel if like God fashioned us
in the likeness of the Divine,
then nothing else comes closer to perfection than you and I.
God's grace wrapped in flesh, you are...to me.
you ask what's love got to do with us?...
anything it wants to as long as you exist within me.
I take one breath and I await your exhale,
so I can inhale every secret your soul has to tell,
and any imperfection your soul must bare.
I can't change the past,
but presently I yearn to revolutionize your future,
with the power of doctrines from the Divine creativeness,
who knows me best...who prepared me for you...who gave you to me.
This feels like the first time
I unwrapped a gift,
pulling away at the ribbons of my agony,
untying my pain and fears....to suddenly
find you!.....standing there....before my eyes...
with arms open wide. You rescue me.

God, I love this woman!!

Sunni P is back with baby in arms...I love it! She is a mouthpiece for the ancestors!...awesome!

Two of My Favorite...[Excerpts from my book, "Empowering Sensuality"

You...

I like your way
Your moving slips into my stillness
It silenced me.

The way night lies in deep water
I want to lie with you.

Can you be my second skin?
I’ll peel the scent of you with each thrust.

You make me feel like singing in the shower…No fear.



Touch Me…

Hands like a magnetic force
The way fingertips
Direct my spine to arch
That simple touch
As my body breaks itself down
To my heart’s own musical backbeat
With permission
You release tears of joy-perpetrating as sweat
Creating surfaces glistening wet
Feels like we have our very own air
Caught in the rapture of you pulling my hair
and never mind time
You got me feeling like
This poem doesn’t even have to rhyme
‘Cause I can’t remember
if it was my right or my left…
that you teased and caressed?
I see Angels when you spread my legs
They turn into wings
‘cause I could fly away
on you being the air I breathe
I feel low, slow pants
When you take me there
Yet, I tell you to slow down
It’s too much…
I can’t catch up with my heart’s beat,
My eyes can’t control
what my mind don’t believe.
They say repetition sings a contagious beat,
Somethin’ like a routine or it seems
I could get used to this feeling,
Like when you watch me
from the passenger seat, or
when you’re sitting right next to me,
kissing my right or my left….
Hands like a magnetic force
The way fingertips
Direct my body to arch
At my heart’s own musical backbeat…
You s l o w l y……touch me.

Connected....

" I wont choose to live as if I were to follow a lead. And I will only give to one who is deserving of me. Connected to all matter like oxygen atoms sun water breath you in so you can show me what you made of."

-Zaki Ibrahim Connected

Womb Healing

I have been in transition since my ex and I decided to separate and divorce. Immediately afterward, My first love [whom I havent seen or spoken to in seven years] finds me on facebook and the energy is stronger than before!...To make a long story short, its been a year now, since the divorce and reuniting with my first love....and I have had some serious 'baby blues' for over a year...my soul cries out in my dreams...I feel my womb aligning everyday in preparation and I just can't shake the urge to want to have a baby.

Im not sure whether to stay with my new 9to5 job or to answer the unctions of my womb and move back home to rest!...But I do appreciate this blog(http://www.healingblackwomanhood.blogspot.com) and the insight to womb healing....

So, I wanted to share parts of my journey to womb healing(from divorce, guilt, pain, anger, abuse[physical, food, alcohol, etc]), and I began this month with this meditation.... Will you pray with me?

Womb Healing

the chalice returns
to its original nature
clear and blessed
internal pain cleared
external pollution
flushed away
harmony restored





Tantric invocation of the Goddess abiding in the first chakra:

Within in reigns Paraa, the Awakener of eternal knowledge
She is the omnipotent Kalaa who is wonderfully skillful
to create, and is subtler than the subtlest.
She is the receptacle of the continuous stream of ambrosia
which flows from the eternal bliss.
By her radiance it is that the whole of this universe
and this cauldron is illumined.

--Mahanirvana Tantra

Womb Healing focuses on the second chakra,
described as a six-petalled lotus in which
a half moon rests like the autumnal moon:

It is here that Rakini always shines.
Her radiant beauty equals the center of the blue lotus.
The beauty of her body is enhanced by
her uplifted arms holding various weapons.
She is dressed in celestial raiment and ornaments,
and her mind is exalted with the drinking of ambrosia.

And the fourth chakra, called Anahata, the Unstruck Sound,
where the blissful form of Goddess manifests
"and is experienced by the inward-turned mind of the blessed ones,
whose hair stands on end and whose eyes weep for joy."

The Shakti whose tender body is like
ten million flashes of lightning
is in the center of this lotus as a triangle.
(Inside the triangle is the Yoni (origin/ vulva)
like shining gold and on it an orifice
as tiny as that in a gem -- the Bindu --
the resplendent abode of Lakshmi.
This heart lotus is beautified by the Hamsa,
which is like the steady tapering flame
of a lamp in a windless place.

Sometime you just gotta love on Him!

I wrote this for Him...

I will keep you hidden no more-
like stained secrets and letters from old lovers
you are in me-
your name written across my chest
with an umbilical cord trust~
I pray to forever have your eyes
as I backwash forgiveness on my tongue
for years of lying in bed without you by my side...
I love you seems to be an understatement though
I know you over-stand where my heart lies..and
my thoughts cry....from the depth of my womb...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.......your name reigns forever
and creates vibrations of elated ecstasy forever ringing
between my thighs, I long for the day you write poetry
inside my walls...eternally....we rhyme, each verse...imagery
becomes more vivid than the last line and better than the last time...
we exist...as one!.

(whew!.....that shit almost took me in for real...)

Trust that you have a place in the world that welcomes your gifts of awareness and altruistic vision. Your imagination needs a creative outlet for you to do your best at work. Your career will bring about transformation, as you realize it's all about manifesting universal principles of truth.

You should continue to surround yourself with friends that give you the space and support you need to do your work, and trust that with them being connected to you, they're prepared to make the necessary shifts for change in their lives as well. You may need to push beyond your own boundaries, and identify with the universal source.

Your personal confidence and brilliance shines bright baby..... You are tremendously motivated as people applaud your inspirational ideas. You are ready to manifest the highest potential for your love and children in the future. The high energy you're working with will result in material prosperity, which helps you continue to make forward shifts in your own life, as well as bring hope to your life...your family and your community of like spirits God has surrounded you with. As you continue to be connected inwardly and outwardly, you truly make an impression on those around you

Especially me!...I love you King and I pray nothing less than the best for you....US....and all connected to your heart in this new year! Happy New Beginning Baby!

Waiting.

waiting.

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.
When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.
There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant.
Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.
You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

- Bob Marley